I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize