Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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