I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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