I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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