Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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