I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
