i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So apparently I’m into choking now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
