At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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