I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
