Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
