somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
