I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
