its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
