Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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