gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
