how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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