If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
