I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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