cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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