Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
