Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
