Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
