I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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