She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize