every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
