he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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