you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
