Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
