why didn't you poke me back
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
