she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
