The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
