i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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