After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
