I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
