The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize