Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
