She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
