This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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