woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
