My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
