do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
