shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
