I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
