i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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