Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
