you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
