I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
