Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
