So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
