I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
