whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
