Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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