So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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