so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
