He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
