if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
