Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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