Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
