Christians are straight up FREAKS
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
