Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
