its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
