She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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