Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize