we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
