I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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