We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
