What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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