You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His hands were made for my vagina.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
