Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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