I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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